This morning was a nightmare. It was my wife's birthday. I got all the presents and everything, but I thought - what if she doesn't like what I do? I want to light a candle, sing happy birthday to her, give her the gifts. But then I wondered, what if she'd prefer a quieter celebration at lunchtime? I realized there were no guidelines to follow that I know of. I immediately started browsing the body of law. I started with federal, state, even county regulations. There were no regulations about how to celebrate birthdays.

This is a pressing problem. I can do it how I want to do it, it might be even the right way, but I cannot prove it, if it's not legislated and standardized.

Hearby I call for national democratic discussion on a bill "Standardization and regulation of birthday celebrations, festivities and anniversaries", which would once and for all solve this problem that most of us face several times per year!